Can you briefly tell us about your NICU experience?
My youngest daughter was born 3 months early. It came as an absolute surprise and the whole process from her being born to immediately going to the NICU happened quite quickly. I was informed earlier in my pregnancy that I was high risk and needed to be careful, which I was by all means. However, at one of my regular ultrasound appointments, the doctor noticed that she was no longer growing. She had stopped and so as a result, they put me on some steroids (as she was not growing, nor were her lungs). The next morning, after my first night in the hospital my doctor came into my room and said they needed to do an emergency c-section. It took me about 24hrs after her birth to realize what was happening. She was in the NICU and the saddest part was that I was unable to see her for the first day, due to them trying to get her stabilized. The first few weeks of her stay, I felt numb, it felt like I was dreaming because I never saw myself in that position and with her being so small, I had no idea how she felt. Did she notice when I was there? Considering I couldn’t touch her for a while, although I talked to her daily and I was able to touch her through the incubator but not allowed to hold her or comfort her. And once I was able, I worried if she missed me, or needed me like I needed her to be near me.
What was the hardest part about your NICU stay? How did you cope?
The hardest part of her being in the NICU was me feeling out of place, like I wasn’t supposed to be in the way of the nurses. I felt like sometimes they knew her better than I did. When I went home even for rest, or to shower and change I felt like I was abandoning her. Like I should never leave her, not even for a second. I can recall going to my cousin’s open house for about an hour or so, and suddenly feeling depressed and immediately left to be by her side. So, I was stuck between feeling like she didn’t need me, but I needed her.
Did this experience teach you anything about yourself? Your family?
My experience taught me to ask for help when I really need it. That I don’t have to go through things alone, I suffered silently for a while. I rarely confided in her father, because at the time I felt like he didn’t understand how I felt. But in fact, it was just that we handle things differently. He understood and that’s exactly why he was there.
Do you think that your NICU experience had an effect on the way that you raised (or are raising) your child and subsequent children?
I absolutely believe that my experience affected how I raise my kids now. Aside from my daughter who is now 7 years old, I have a 15-year-old son and 16-year-old daughter, and I’m more focused on doing things to keep our relationships tight. More family-oriented activities that we haven’t necessarily done before. Trying to have more open conversations, because life is too short not to because our lives can change at any moment.
What advice would you give to parents who currently have a child in the NICU?
My advice would be to find your strength. Figure out what calms you and do that, and honestly find someone to talk to. Whether it’s a friend, family member or a professional, do it so you can get the help that you need. It’s okay to rest. It’s okay to ask more questions, to be more involved with your child while the NICU is their home.
What’s the one thing that you wished you had known at the start of your NICU Journey?
I wish I had ignored the stigma of speaking with a professional. Years later I realized that I was depressed and that it is still heavy on my heart. I have been on medication for like a year now. It is completely healthy to talk to a professional.
Is there anything else that you want to add?
Having a child in the NICU is a very difficult situation and there are a lot of ups and downs, even scares. But praying, journaling, or even reading to your baby can make the journey a little less painful.
