Prior to having Kolin, there were not too many areas of my life where I felt like I had to truly rely on God.  For the most part, everything just came so easy for me (work, school, etc).  Kolin’s sudden birth brought me down to knees in prayer.  His current health care needs keep me on my knees.  Before Kolin was born, my husband and I would often say that because we both had masters’ degrees, Kolin had no choice but to be great.  Jorge and I both worked so hard to leave behind generational curses with our parents, refusing to pass them down to our children.  Our plan was for Kolin to go to the best schools and to live life unburden from the things that weighted us down.  The world would truly be at his feet.

Kolin’s premature birth let me know that I was not in control.  In order not to go insane with worry and fear about his future, I had no choice but to turn him over to GOD.  I had to retrain my mind on what “Kolin being great” would look like. Does it really matter if he cannot attend Ivy league schools?  If he could not be a rocket scientist like his father?  Or work in healthcare like his mother?  Does it really matter?

No.  The answer is no.  Those things do not matter.  All the truly matters is that Kolin is happy and as healthy as possible.  That his needs are being met.  Do I still push Kolin to be the best?  Yes, I do.  He is the hardest working almost three-year-old that I know.  I push Kolin to be the best that he can be, and I will continue to push him until he tells me otherwise.  I just realized that I can only do so much, and the rest is in God’s hand.  And you know what, He hasn’t failed me yet.

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